


Five Stages of Grief and One Second Chance

by ShimmeringIdiot



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: After Trenzalore, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Hopeful Ending, Post-Episode: s07e14 The Name of the Doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 18:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16023128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimmeringIdiot/pseuds/ShimmeringIdiot
Summary: After saying goodbye to River on Trenzalore The Doctor is unsure how to process his grief. Turns out the Time Lord grieves like the humans he spends so much time with.





	Five Stages of Grief and One Second Chance

**Author's Note:**

> I have no Beta reader on this work so if you spot any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them! This is my first real fanfic, I hope you enjoy!

He hadn’t even realized it at first. Sometime after Trenzalore he began revisiting places he’d been with River. It had started out innocently enough, with a visit to the Great Pyramid of Giza, where they had, theoretically, gotten married during all of time and space. He had broken down on the first step with a dry throat before running back into the TARDIS. He told himself he was coping with her loss but as he stood in front of the oldest cliff in the universe and looked at the words ‘Hello Sweetie’ he realized that he wasn’t.

Clara was asleep on the TARDIS after today’s adventure when The Doctor decided to visit the cliff. Even though he knew she wasn’t gone yet he found himself wishing he hadn’t wasted so much time with River Song. Saying goodbye had almost managed to choke him up, a feat not achieved by many other than her. The Doctor turned away with one last glance at the cliff before piloting the TARDIS away. She hummed a mournful tune as she bid farewell to her child. 

In that moment The Doctor had a revelation. River had to have written the words at some point! The Doctor ran around the console furiously. When he went to pull the lever the TARDIS stopped him by making the lever immobile. 

“Why?!” He screeched. “You want to see her too for Rassilon’s sake!” He pulled the lever a second time. When it didn’t budge he punched the console before a sob escaped him and he slid to the floor.

“I just want more time with her! We’re time travellers, is that too much to ask?” He looked up at the central console which chimed angrily at him. “It won’t cause a paradox! I’ve never visited her there!” He fought against his TARDIS’s sensible judgement. “Please? For me?” The silence from the time machine spoke magnitudes. 

“I know…” He began. “I don’t deserve one adventure with her, let alone another.” He took off the bowtie around his neck and started headed towards any empty bedroom but the one he shared with River. A whirring from the TARDIS couldn’t make him turn around, but she had something that could.

“Hello Sweetie.” At these two words The Doctor whipped around. “If you’re listening to this, I’m probably dead. You’re beating yourself up over it, most likely. I want you to know that however I die, I probably did it to save you, so you need to stop wasting that sacrifice and live for once in your very long life!” Her recording chuckled. An outside voice seemed to call for her as she looked off into space for a moment. “I have to go, younger you is causing trouble and I’ll probably have to stop you from getting shot by the presidential guard. Just- don’t beat yourself up and look through my desk drawer in my room. I have one last surprise for you. I hope it will cause many more.” She disappeared as suddenly as she came. The Doctor was silent for a moment as he pondered her last sentence. Many more what? He supposed surprises but how? He ran towards their bedroom.

“Play it again!” He yelled. The recording played on his sonic screwdriver as he ran down the hallways. He opened the desk and found hundreds of letters addressed to him in it. The first one said ‘Lake Silencio, April 22, 2011’. Some had dates and adventures. Some were rambling to him on the purpose of the universe and other scientific nonsense. Some had no dates or locations but inside were a set of puzzles that even the Time Lord found difficult to solve. When he solved one, he saw a date and adventure he hadn’t yet participated in. When he understood that he broke down, hugging the note to his two hearts. 

Clara couldn’t reach The Doctor for more than a week after she left the TARDIS’s embrace for her flat. It wasn’t too surprising, as he often lost track of time, but she was angry with him anyway. When he finally showed up she was surprised to find out that he hadn’t been off exploring the universe without her, but had instead spent a month inside his room decoding a group of puzzles from his dead wife. He apologized profusely for being late, remembering the new rules he had compiled over the month he was gone. Rule number five was to “never leave anyone behind”, and though he hadn’t meant to leave her behind he still felt bad. As he input coordinates into the TARDIS for their next adventure he remembered the new rule one he had created: “Don’t waste time with people. You never know how long you’ll have with them. Time is one thing you can’t outrun.’” Something told him that he’d have trouble following that one. 

The finished puzzles leading to unfinished adventures were safe in his pocket for a couple rainy days. Many more surprises indeed. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my fanfic!


End file.
